Sunday, February 24, 2008

disgusted

I HATE IT.
I hate it that I hate me
that no matter how much she says it,
that she loves me and takes me as I am
I never quite let it sink inside.
I hate it that theres a deep black hole inside me
and no matter how much light is shed unto me
it never really reaches that black hole,
that black hole that makes me,me.
I hate it that my old man has to struggle
yet the grays on his head out competed the blacks ages ago.
I hate it.
I hate it that I struggle too much too
that I shuffle and hustle so much
yet I earn so little and gain so less..
It disgusts me that I am so empty
so empty like.....
As empty as a killah line lost from a killah poem.
I hate that me and a cousin
have to lay ourselves on the dusty floor
on a piece of foam slightly over an inch thick
I hate it that theres so less
yet we need so much,
and for that we are forever and constantly hungry.
I hate that I can get bumped so hard
that my teeth get blown off and I am scarred for life
but i can do nothing..
Why?? you might ask..
Simple.It was a rich mans car
plus theres too much red tape
palm oiling,toe kissing,nepotism
and a whole lot of shitty excuses,
but they are not just excuses,they are reasons
reasons why a whole country remains stunted,
stagnant and forever grinding so slowly
that it doesn't grind at all.
I hate that I beef with my old man so much
and no matter how crappy he treats me
he is still connected to me by blood.
I hate that they claim
this woman has 42 babies
yet in essence its only two.
That the obese baby keeps snatching
the little that the stick-thin baby has
and the thin one can do nothing,
because he cannot suck mamas breast
and has to contend with so little,
the little that stains mamas blouse when fat baby can have no more.
I hate it that I can no longer have faith in the institutions
that define our country,that define our belonging,
that give us a definition.
I hate it that ours is so pathetic a society
that one is judged by having a foreskin or not,
and my whole family looks at me funny
because shes intelligent,kind and cute
but shes from THAT tribe.
I hate it that fate put me here
and from my fathers down to the ancestors
we have called this home..
and however much I hate it,
its still a part of me.

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